Sunday, February 24, 2008 I'm trying to say is....

Have you ever been in one of those situations where trying not to say a particular thing made it almost impossible to carry on a normal conversation? Whether it was a secret to be kept or a distracting physical feature on the person you are talking to, or any other number of things, it gets to the point where you can't think of anything else to say except for that one thing you are trying not to.

I think that is partly what has become of my blog. (in addition to trying to re-enter "normal life" and adjust to one of the biggest changes we'll ever face).

There are 2 subjects that currently occupy much of my waking hours, and, until now, I have opted not to blog about them. Which has turned out to make it hard to think of anything else to blog about! Which seems to almost defeat the purpose of having a blog. Isn't part of the idea of blogging to be able to put in writing some of the thoughts in your head?

So, with hopes of freeing up some space in my mind, I'm going to attempt to spill at least some of those 2 major thought balloons here.

#1 - Alan. Transplant.
We are currently going to Children's twice a week. This is an all-day affair.
Every time we must decide who will accompany me & Alan (usually my Dad or Greg), where Dale will stay.
We pack a bag, in case Alan is admitted.
It seems to simple to put it down in writing, but there is so much that occupies my mind regarding Alan.
I guess that is to be expected. We are so close to it all that sometimes we forget what a BIG DEAL transplant is. Not that we take it for granted. But I think I often underestimate the huge impact we should expect it to have on every area of our life. At least for now. Surely, surely, we will adjust.
And I will go on to say that I don't feel it is necessarily stress about Alan. I say that I trust God with him, and I do. There is just so much to think about, keep up with, plan, process & absorb. And I most of the time choose not to blog about all that. There are lots of reasons why, but that would make this post too long. On to the other thing that takes up a LOT of my thinking:

#2 - Dale. More specifically, school for Dale. Even more specifically, homeschool.

See, a couple of years ago, if I thought about homeschooling my kids (which, Dale was the only one then) I thought it would be so much fun, and I would be good at the organizing and planning and teaching, BUT... it just wasn't for us. I was opposed to the idea in general for our family. Again, this blog post isn't the place for all the reasons & explanations.

But Greg, well, Greg grew to like the idea more and more, and after a while, I did too. I saw that it was the best thing for our family. (Hmmm.... God speaking, perhaps?) And once I switched over to his way of thinking, I have continued to see over and over again how it is absolutely the best thing for us.

And I am so excited. And I have so many ideas. And thoughts. And plans. And I think about all these things a LOT. And, once again, this was something I have been intentionally not blogging about. And again, reasons and explanations are irrelevant at this point.

So. Having those 2 subjects occupying so much of my thinking and then NOT blogging about them didn't leave much room for blogging. (Add to that the fact that I can't get my camera software to behave, so doing anything with pictures is an absolute pain, and that just reduces blogging further!).

Anyway.... now that I've 'outed' myself on these things, hopefully I can either a)just blog about them already or b) stop thinking about what I'm trying not to say and actually have fun blogging about this, that & the other again.

WHEW. I feel better. ;)


Linda Jacobs said...

A blog is a journal and whatever is on your mind...go for it! I always admire how you come up with subjects, anyway! I don't think I've ever commented on your bolg but I read it almost every day and have been keeping track of Alan's progress. I say, if you can't get it out of your mind, then it's bloggable!

I tried homeschooling once. My daughter was in the 9th grade and we owned a seasonal motel that closed for the winter and we diceded to spend the winter in Cocoa Beaach, Florida. She enrolled in the high school there but the curriculum was totally different from her home town school so, being certified in NH, I decided to teach her myself. Holy cow, what a job! I was very organized and developed a schedule for the day but it was so hard to keep her on task. (And she was a really great kid!) We struggled through but I was so relieved when we got back to NH and she could rejoin her normal class.

However, if I had started when she was younger, it would have been a totally different experience. Starting it with a teenager...forget it!

Best of luck in your adventure! One of the benefits is that Alan will probably join in and be way ahead of his age group!

BTW, I found you thorugh your mom's site!

Mommy said...

I will be homeschooling Sweetie in the Fall. I was homeschooled myself, but I am just *totally* overwhlemed with all there is out there!

My own personal learning style isn't a traditional text book. But I also like form, and perdicitality. So I am trying to find something that will for us.

I actually would love to read your thoughts on homeschooling in your blog! Then I could get some encouragment and maybe accountability!

Shannon said...

Glad you got that out. :) We all sit back and are amazed at how God has brought Alan through this, and you are the one keeping everthing running for a family in spite of it all. Your family will look back in years to come and think of what an awesome woman you were to handle all of this the way you did.
As for the homeschooling thing, I have the same story as you. We didn't think it was for us either but it grew on us and now we can't imagine doing anything else. We're off to a homeschooling adventure at the bowling alley in just a few minutes. I plan on putting on those hot two-toned bowling shoes and showin'em how its done! :)

Karen said...

I think you should be free to say whatever you want...but I understand not wanting to "spill" some thoughts. I had a similar situation a week or two ago.

As for the homeschooling - I say if your husband is supportive then definitely go for it. I am a homeschool graduate and now I homeschool my children so I am a HUGE homeschool advocate but I would never advise someone to take the plunge unless their spouse is in agreement. It is not just an education choice - it is a life.

And I'm always around if you want to ask some questions or just commiserate. :)

Kara said...

I can only imagine how your life is at the moment, but I must say you seem to all being doing fabulous. And it's 100% okay for you to have these others things on your brain, they are both huge occurances in your life. I wish you luck with homeschooling, I keep myself on the verge of it with my Soph, but then something happens that makes me feel she is where she needs to be for now.

chickadee said...

good luck on your homeschooling journey. we love it.

Kimberly said...

We are planning to homeschool as well. I taught for 5 years in public school and became very discouraged. There are tons of reasons why I want to homeschool our kiddos. I say, good for you! Some feel they can't do it, but I think you can do it if you really desire it. Something about "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me". :)